A Rough Night

 On nights like tonight, when everything feels strained and I just want to cry, I need to be reminded of all the good things I have.  It has just been a tough one…I came home not feeling good and just wanting to rest, so I slept on the couch for awhile, which I shouldn’t do because my son takes total advantage of that.  B forgot to take his afternoon med, but we didn’t realize it until it was too late for him to take it, so he was WAY off.  Getting him to do his HW was hell, he was rude and disrespectful to both S and I, and we are at the moment ending his evening listening to him yell from up in his bedroom that everything  is retarded and life is gay and he hates his life…all because I made him take a shower (which he has to do every night) and pick up all the crap he had spread throughout the living room.  So hard to deal with sometimes and just raises such tension in the house between everyone, even the dogs feels it.  I sit and look at my wonderful fiance’ S and think “what the hell is wrong with him?  Why would anyone want to take on the stress and strain the my son brings into the lives he is involved in?”  Then I remember all the words he has said to me, how he loves both Band I, that he is here for the long haul, that B is a great boy and he wants to help him and I remember why I fell in love with him in the first place, because he is a kind, loving soul who is meant to be here with me and my son.  I love him so much it warms my heart and soul.
    *Sigh* it is quiet upstairs now and I have to wonder if B is calming down or hurting himself, and hoping for the former.  I continue to be exhausted and not feeling well, but it can always be worse.As my mom says, one day at a time and just breathe…

3 thoughts on “A Rough Night

  1. i didn't realize how often you go through these episodes. b is lucky to have you and steve there to support and love him….one day, he'll get it.how does mark deal when these issues come up?

  2. Unfortunately at this point, they are on a daily basis. The degree as to how bad they are,how often they occur and how long they last varies. Steve is a blessing to both of us!

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