Sanity in 2012

   I would not say I have any resolutions so to speak, though I am making progress in some of the goals that I have discussed with my therapist.  I love my son with all my heart and would do (and actually do do) everything I can for him.  Our calendar is crazy with all his appointments with different providers, he has something everyday during the week.  Plus I am now tutoring a few days a week to help us get some extra money, which we always need.  Add to that my medical issues, which after months of pain and doctor;s appointments and test, we have finally gotten a prognosis.  I have several herniated discs in my back and a narrowing of my nerve canal in my spine.  Not great news, but at least I know all this pain is real and I am not going crazy!  So now I go through all the motions that the insurance company requires…go see the neurosurgeon, start physical therapy, possibly get cortisone shots, but probably will end up having to have back surgery to fix this (all the research I have done and the people that have had the same problem have needed surgery).  Back surgery scares me, but I am going one day at a time and trying not to worry about it right now.
    So, back to me.  I have realized that as much mental and physical energy I expend on my son, I have to take care of me.  That makes me a better mom, so I am working hard on getting rid of the guilt for leaving him to do things for me or enjoying my time when he is with his dad.  I am seeing a counselor on my own for myself.  I have joined a monthly book club with some friends, which is lots of fun.  On the weekends when B is gone, I am learning to embrace relaxing time, meeting friends for lunch or coffee, or just going to Barnes and Nobel to get a coffee and read my Nook.  I am not spending every minute alone cleaning and doing laundry…those chores can be done anytime and I deserve some “me time” when I can take it.  In this new spirit of “it is OK to have me time without guilt” I am meeting friends for lunch today and going to a movie with them and tomorrow I am having brunch with my high school friends.  So hopefully by the time B comes home tomorrow night, I will be in a good mental state and therefore be better for B.  We will see.

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